Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
