Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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