Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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