Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
