1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
