So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
