He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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