I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
where am i from again
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize