When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
