the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You took a bar mat shot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
