I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
