I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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