I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
