We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
