I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
