escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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