I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
