I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
