I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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