lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
