Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
