the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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