did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize