he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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