Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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