Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
