I think my vagina is haunted
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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