I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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