i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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