My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
