Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
