she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
