There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
