i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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