i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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