You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
