I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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