Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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