4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
