I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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