I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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