my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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