I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The air was thick with penises
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
