So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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