I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
