Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
