this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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