Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
