if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
