sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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