I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
