The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
