i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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