i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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