really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
