Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
