Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
