maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
