Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you inspire me to be a worse person
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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