my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
