I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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