there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Randomize
