we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize