oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
