you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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