my phone needs a breathalizer
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
