Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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