As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
