We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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