perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
