we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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