plz talk dirty to me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
