this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
