Welp...herpes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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