So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
