The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
